Tabloid Tales
by Dustimite
Summary: Chloe teases Clark about the kiss and tell stories extolling the 'virtues' of Superman.


Title: Tabloid Tales

Pairing: Chlark

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I'm not listening." He covered his ears with his hands and walked away from Chloe defiantly, assuming an expression of pained dignity but she skipped after him, following him around the kitchen table, still reading aloud from the front page of the newspaper.

"…..And it's not just the size of his heart that's Super, no ma'am, Superman is Super in all the right places….believe me, I know." Clark watched in some consternation as she dissolved into giggles, her nose wrinkling in what he found to be an alarmingly cute fashion despite the suspiciously evil glint in her eyes.

She flashed him a face splitting roguish grin and he scowled. It was time to put an end to this; she was enjoying torturing him far too much. He glared at the newspaper with ill concealed fury and considered incinerating the offending item to cinders.

"Chloe…"

"No Clark, really this is great." She interrupted him, her words punctuated by giggles. "She goes on to describe some seemingly impossible things that you can do with your tongue…." She looked up suddenly wide-eyed, waving the red topped newspaper in the air delightedly, probably at the prospect of regaling even more disturbing contents of the article, Clark thought darkly and seeing his chance made a grab for the newspaper, almost howling in frustration when she whipped it behind her back before he could close his fingers around it.

Growling in what he hoped was a suitably threatening manner; he took a few purposeful steps towards her. "Don't make me use super speed."

"Will you quit trying to ruin my fun?" Chloe snapped, jabbing a finger in his direction, whilst backing away from him. "I want to read about what Superman and Jenna got up to on top of the Empire State building."

He recoiled in horror. Enough was enough. Before Chloe knew what was happening he had the paper in his hands and smiling triumphantly, he shredded into millions of satisfying little pieces giving a contented little sigh when the deed was done.

"Hey!" Chloe's lower lip jutted out in a pout, as she eyed the little pile of dust besides him rather mournfully. "I was enjoying that."

"Evidently." He sat back down at the table. "Seemingly impossible things that you can do with your tongue." He repeated her words irritably glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes. She had sounded very amused when she had said that and he didn't like it, he decided. Not one bit.

"You said I could do wonderful things with my tongue." His voice was accusing and he marveled at his petulance whilst picking at the blueberry muffin in front of him. Why oh why he was fixating on this little detail when his whole reputation was at stake?

Chloe wandered up to him in bare feet and ruffled his hair before plonking herself in his lap and wriggling around until she was comfortable.. "Can you probe my cervix with your tongue?" She asked reasonably, around a mouthful of muffin and he eyed her suspiciously.

"Is that what the article said?" He couldn't quite keep the horror out of his voice.

Chloe nodded happily. "Amongst other physically impossible feats."

"Why do they keep printing this trash?" He buried his nose into her hair and sighed deeply lamenting the latest spate of kiss and tell stories that had cropped up in low market tabloids with headlines proclaiming to tell the story of the woman who had had sex with Superman.

"Its ok", Chloe rubbed his chest, "nobody believes them."

"They don't?" He asked hopefully, pulling back, optimism flaring in his chest. Of course no one believed the stories. They were ridiculous. With the alleged time, Superman spent having mind blowing sex, the world would be in shambles.

"Nope" Chloe shook her head. "Not even Marissa who claimed to have a sample of you pubic hair stored in a secret Swiss bank strongbox for posterity."

"She what?" He roared, eyes rounding in shock and then narrowing at the amusement dancing in Chloe's eyes. How could she laugh at a time like this?

She shrugged innocently. "A parting gift, apparently."

"Crazy." He fumed, "it's absolutely crazy , out of control and quite traumatizing." He paused to catch his breath before continuing his tirade. "Even Oprah's in on it." His eyes darkened as he remembered the open discussion on her show debating whether or not Superman could really have sex with humans.

"Oprah thinks Superman's hot and I'm sure you'll get over being described as the Universe's gift to woman kind." She drizzled some maple syrup on to a pancake and took a hearty bite.

Wounded at her total lack of concern about his mental state, he sulked quietly for a few moments, sighing theatrically from time to time.

"Stop sulking Clark."

He sputtered in outrage and threw a furious glare at the plate of food that had her total attention. "I'm not sulking."

"You're sighing hard enough to blow my head clean off. I call that sulking." She twisted around so she was facing and fixed him with a knowing look. "You're not deceiving anyone by having a life outside of Superman." She told him firmly and with a quite conviction that soothed his conflicted temper.

Her smile was the one she reserved only for him: bright and knowing and made him aware once again that she knew him better then anyone else.

"How do you do that?" He asked wonderingly, surveying the woman in his arms with wide eyes.

"Do what?"

"You know." He wrapped his arms around her and brought her closer. "The way you know what I'm thinking before I do"

"It's a gift."

He grinned at her flippant remark knowing that she was touched by his candor. "I love you." He informed her happily. "Even if you do take sadistic pleasure in reading those awful stories aloud to me and then discussing them with Perry as if I'm not there. I don't even mind that you make fun of the suit, or…."

She looked at him with injured eyes and cut him off. "At least I don't use your razor."

He stilled, utterly puzzled and scratched his head. "I don't have a razor" He enunciated each word and peered at her intently quite sure she'd lost the plot until she rolled her eyes and pushed him away.

"No, but if you did, I'd use it to shave my legs, which would totally irritate you but since you don't, I can't."

He swallowed slowly, wondering if all women were this complicated or if his wife had a special ability to leave him both utterly confused and totally speechless even after years of knowing her.

"So…" He said, still digesting her words and her logic. "What you're saying is you have to find more ingenious methods of annoying me."

"Exactly." She told him with childish delight and leaning forward kissed him sloppily on the lips before hopping of his lap and adjusting her dressing gown. She only succeeded in revealing even more skin and he looked at her hungrily.

She caught his look and he waggled his eyebrows meaningfully only to find himself reprimanded by a stern glance.

"We're already late for work." She told him pointedly over her shoulder as she headed to their bedroom.

"Brunch delight then?" He asked hopefully and she gave him a coy smile bringing to mind fond memories of their gibbered excuses to colleagues as they escaped the bull pen for a few stolen moments.

"On top of the Empire state building?" Her voice was just as hopeful as his and he grinned.

"Why not?" He was feeling magnanimous after all.

Comments would be adored!!


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